Little Leo Lost

“We will fight the terrorists around the world so we do not have to face them here at home.”

If I hear that idiotic argument for the war in Iraq one more time, I’m going to hork all over my shoes.

Ding-Dong!

- “I’ll get it. Hi, can I help you?”

- “Good hello, sir. Is your military at home?”

- “No, they’re away. Can I take a message?”

- “Yes, please tell them we have been here waiting for them. If they are too busy or if they do not think we are important, then we will help ourselves to your innocent civilians as they sleep in their homes.”

- “Oh, you want our Department of Homeland Security. Well, I’m afraid they’re in the process of moving their offices. I’ll let them know you were–-"

Ka-Boom!

And maybe I’m wrong, but it seems that we’ve been neglecting lots of other places in the world besides our homeland. In an ever-growing multiple tie for first: Afghanistan, of course. The International Institute of Strategic Studies estimates that as many as 90% of the 20,000 militants trained in al-Qaeda camps there are still at large. That doesn’t sound good. Maybe we should go back in time and see the Afghanistan problem to some sort of positive conclusion before considering another war.

Speaking of fantasy, have you noticed that the alternate universe leader of the free world (President Martin Sheen) is on the brink of solving the Middle East tragedy, at the expense of his Chief of Staff, who gripped his liver and collapsed in the woods while the White House choppers sped off to DC? In my hypochondriacal state, I gripped my liver (hemorrhoids) and collapsed in the woods (front yard) while the White House (police) choppers sped away to DC (Camden).