Behavior 101

We’re raising a generation of spoiled pansy-asses.

Well, what do we expect? We’re no longer allowed to spank or smack our kids when they’re bad. We threaten to throw away their favorite stuffed toys, an empty threat in a room stocked with countless favorite stuffed toys. We walk into another room and displace our anger at our kids by slamming a door or throwing a dish. We return and reason with them or work it out or work together to come up with a plan that works for everyone. So much work! The process could take a half a day. Our parents were allowed to do it right. They were allowed to beat our asses.

I know my five year old was over-tired. But we had to be somewhere at 9 pm. I don’t owe you an explanation...we just had to be there at 9 pm. And she would not move any faster. My anger simmmered, I developed a facial tic, and a primal yell erupted from my trembling core. “Nowwwwww!” I screamed. “We have to move now!” Still she sat, crying, not moving nowwwww. I picked her up by the scruff of the neck and tossed her into the car. Locking the doors and windows, I ordered her to get into her car seat, as I sped out of the driveway. “You pull a stunt like this again and I will BEAT your ASS!” I shouted.

As she regained her composure, eventually cooing and rocking a bit, I remembered the news I’d heard the other day. A man in a nearby town had been driving with his six year old daughter. Another car had slammed into them, killing the man. The girl was not hurt, physically. However, according to the news anchor, “she was too shaken to attend her first day of school.” Note to news anchor: Her father was killed in front of her eyes two days earlier, you imbecilic mannequin! Anyway, I checked my speed. At the next stop light, I reached around to caress my little girl as I apologized for my behavior.

So much for all those ass-beatings I received as a child. I still don’t know how to behave.