So Which Is It?
It's time to review something so basic, that, in this day and age, you'd think everybody had it right. Since the day it was brought to light in that ground-breaking episode of All In the Family, civilized people around the world should have adopted and accepted the correct way to install a roll of toilet paper. However, to my horror, some members of my own family refuse to recognize the difference between paper-over and paper-under. Between 1986 and the present, I have reprimanded one particular member of my family several times. Toilet users expect proper placement of bathroom tissue, and it's not just bending to conventions of habit. Bathroom standards were developed years ago, and they have endured the test of time. Although toilet paper placement seems rooted in tradition, there are safety (as well as aesthetic and psychological) issues to consider.
By the way, if I have to tell you which is the correct way, then we have no further business here.
Of course, the whole thing is disgusting. As I have said many times, humankind cannot advance to the next level of existence before a less barbaric means of toiletry has been developed.
posted by Wayne Moon | 1:06 PM
5 Comments:
For the last several years I have been experimenting with excretion through a sort of straining of the skin, whereby, when the urgency requires, I would form a dark, hardening crust around my exterior that I could simply peel away like a molting crustacean. I'll let you know as soon as I'm through evolving.
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I am honored to be a catalyst for thoughtful discussion. Welcome to blogland, PffftAckAck. The term Pennsyltucky is an anagram for lucky sneptyn, which in no way generalizes or marginalizes the value of citizens of the great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. The use of the term refers to voters west of the western suburbs of Philadelphia and east of California, or thereabouts.
Much the same as you my friend I have suffered the ignorance of family and friend in matters of ' paper-over and paper-under'. Having reached an "epiph-anal" moment during an otherwise uneventful morning evacuation I have solved both the over/under AND barbaric toiletry dilemma. Since 1999 I have suspended the wiping ritual in its entirety, having replaced this seemingly necessary activity with an afternoon meditative ritual of anal digging and scratching. I try to conduct this in a most public display for educational purposes only. I suggest you do the same. It has been a most rewarding activity and a true insight into human behavior. The money I have saved on toilet tissues has gone to a weekly supply of adult diapers to facilitate spontaneous urination ... being my most freeing experience to date. Good luck to you sir.
Sincerely,
M.E.L.
I thought that humankind's "next level of existence" would include more "facial tissue" than we could now even imagine.
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