Turtle Man at Work

This making television. This is a dangerous business. I sit here, fretting and planning, scheduling and defeating deadlines, contacting and writing and fretting and…not thinking as I accidentally SWIPE THE PANT LEG OF MY BRAND NEW KHAKIS WITH A BLACK PERMANENT MARKER! And to make matters worse, I seem to have fretted away five pounds during the winter. Yes, I hear the rattling-bones sound of your collective eye-roll, you normal- and over-sized Americans as you utter something like: ooohhhh, how dreadful for you, losing five pounds by sitting still. But you have no idea how dangerous it is for me, this making television in the warm weather, unable to hide beneath my coats. There I may be, slight and inconsequential, aware that I exist only by the action of the birds who launch into the air at my approach (though that could be a coincidence). I may be walking down the street with a camera crew, an easy mark for any old woman or young tough who desires my shoes or my cameraman’s camera. Oh sure, I could try tucking my head between my shoulders in a half-hearted attempt to create the thicker neck illusion, however I’m sure that means risking some sort of carotid arterial tear. And so here I sit, dangerously making television.

-- Wayne Moon is a producer at a PBS affiliate on the east coast of the United States.