Pep Rally

Whether you’re a blinded, greedy, raving neocon or an angry-we-allowed-our-country-to-be-hoodwinked-by-greedy-neocons liberal, or somebody in the middle…whether or not you accept that we’ll most likely lose at least one American city to a nuclear dirty bomb attack no matter who’s in the Oval…you have to admit that Kerry’s speech was surprisingly energetic, rallying, and (for the most part) concise. I almost felt empowered. Empowered! It made me almost wish I really am empowered.

But beware: the negative onslaught cometh to quell the rallying cry. In a new book, Unfit for Command: Swift Boat Veterans Speak Out Against John Kerry, former sailors who served with Mr. Kerry in Vietnam accuse him of falsifying his war experiences.

Our job is to do the research, read everything we can find (yes, even Ann Coulter), really listen to the candidates, read more (especially the candidates platform information), formulate our own opinions...and then throw those crooks out of office before they do any more damage.

Have you received your copy of the best-selling book in America?

Did you know that the 9/11 hijackers repeatedly broke the law in entering the US? As many as thirteen hijackers used passports that had been fraudulently altered. It’s all in the book.

In May 2002, Condoleezza Rice said, “I don’t think anybody could have predicted that these people would take an airplane and slam it into the World Trade Center." And former FBI Director Louis Freeh told the Commission that he “never was aware of a plan that contemplated commercial airliners being used as weapons.” Really? Jack Ryan would have imagined the scenario. How many authors of spy novels imagined similar scenarios? At least one band, Soul Coughing, also had the idea about the Chrysler Building. The Commission found that several threat reports circulated within the government in the late 1990’s stated the possibility of an attack using airliners as missiles. So I guess it’s comforting to know that somebody outside of the entertainment industry was using his or her imagination. And have we already forgotten the title of the briefing paper (Bin Ladin Determined to Attack in U.S.) that had been presented to the vacationing President Bush on August 6, 2001? Then there’s the case featured on PBS’s Frontline, The Man Who Knew about John O’Neill, former head of the FBI’s antiterrorism unit. It seems that he was hot on the trail of something big before a clash of egos and politics forced him out of the bureau. His next job was head of security at the WTC, where he died on September 11, 2001.

So Which Is It?

It's time to review something so basic, that, in this day and age, you'd think everybody had it right. Since the day it was brought to light in that ground-breaking episode of All In the Family, civilized people around the world should have adopted and accepted the correct way to install a roll of toilet paper. However, to my horror, some members of my own family refuse to recognize the difference between paper-over and paper-under. Between 1986 and the present, I have reprimanded one particular member of my family several times. Toilet users expect proper placement of bathroom tissue, and it's not just bending to conventions of habit. Bathroom standards were developed years ago, and they have endured the test of time. Although toilet paper placement seems rooted in tradition, there are safety (as well as aesthetic and psychological) issues to consider.

By the way, if I have to tell you which is the correct way, then we have no further business here.

Of course, the whole thing is disgusting. As I have said many times, humankind cannot advance to the next level of existence before a less barbaric means of toiletry has been developed.

Mangled Matters

I’ve confirmed that the aforementioned stretch of 295 will not have a new lane (see Train Tract No. 0104 ). According to the DOT website, the road surface had deteriorated (seems like yesterday we were driving on that quiet, shiny highway) and needed to be resurfaced. Drivers will continue to endure dangerous driving conditions until project completion, slated for December 2004. And then, it’ll be just as congested as it was before. However, we’ll have some nice, flexible, uniform pavement. Tell all your friends!

No really, tell all your friends this: I’ve received a confidential memo from a Republican polling firm which reveals that undecided voters in nineteen battleground states are poised to break away from President Bush and make the move toward John Kerry. Imagine if all the Pennsyltuckians finally removed their blinders? I guess it takes a few years for news to reach those colonies out there.

More good news today: according to Stephen Hawking, he was wrong. Black holes are NOT destroyers of everything, but fire out matter and energy in a mangled form after they eventually disintegrate and die. Isn’t that great? Now all we have left to worry about are meteors, extremists, debt and…well, just open a newspaper.

Speaking of debt, here’s a fun NJ fact: the state in which I live and work ranks among the five most indebted states in the nation. I have to say, my dear wife has seen to it that there is no credit card debt in our house, so unlike our neighbors, we don’t seem to own much of anything. I have trouble accepting that that’s good in the long run.

Train Tract No. 0104

Does anybody really know what the goal is of the construction on Route 295 in New Jersey?  Apparently, I was deluded by my mechanic, whom I believed was telling the truth (imagine that!) when he informed me that workers were adding a lane to relieve traffic congestion.  That was a year ago, and now it seems that they’ve merely added wide shoulders.  Please, someone tell me that this development is temporary, and that the whole point was to add a lane.  With that I could live, unless the construction kills me first.  You take your life in your hands to enter 295.  On-ramps include such thrilling devices as stop signs and barricades around which drivers cannot see.  Please, someone tell me that there’s more to this than just adding another boondoggle to the list.
 
Happily, I avoided the whole mess and meditated on the train today.
 
Here is my Train Tract for the day:
 
The floor is vibrating and we move in fits and stutters.  The rhythm matches my rapid heart beat for beat, and I consider readying my cell phone, pushing the emergency numbers and poising my finger above SEND, just in case.  But the train calms and we are passing through an area of verdant growth.  I watch the prehistoric foliage through the wide angle lens of my oversized window.  Here are clusters of wide, triangular leaves studded with strands of depthless pearl delicacies, drifting in a blurred green stream.  Now and then a tall beanstalk of leafy hearts stands surprised to be so high above the rest.  The needle train is inserted into this untamed musculature.  As foliage engulfs us, it parts briefly to allow entry, and then closes in as we pass.  There is no warning when it all gives way to sky and river, and I wish the plants would reach out and keep us warm.  Beyond the turn in the river, people are digging and pouring cement, and my view has changed before I know how to stop.     

Buttress Your Fortress!

I'm going blog-wild here!
 
So.  Scientists at Los Alamos stopped researching how to destroy what's left of the planet until they can find out what happened to the classified information that went missing last week. 
 
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/07/16/national/16lab.html
 
With classified nuclear information in the wrong hands, disaster could be just around the corner.  In the right hands, disaster could take a few more years.  Or vice versa.  I'm losing perspective and I'm not sure it matters.  Is your duct tape still in the safe room?  Did you buy enough last year?  Did you notice that duct tape is a petroleum product too?
 
Is it my imagination, or are there more flags flying over McDonalds Fast Food Fortresses these days?  Is the McD Corp buttressing defenses against critical onslaught?  By the way, while I'm thrilled that the current crop of so-called documentaries (Supersize Me, Fahrenheit 9/11) are raising the awareness of the Pennsyltuckians with whom we share the country, these films aren't really docs, as you know.  Even the pop docs that came just before (Capturing the Friedmans, Spellbound) are manipulative movie entertainments, just with more arguable and useful messages than, say, documentaries from the future, such as I, Robot.