The Curse of Celebrity 54

The list of celebrities whose corporeal selves cease at age 54 continues to grow as the bodies pile up. This grim phenomenon came to my attention the year that one of my personal favorites passed away. Douglas Adams, author of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, died during his rest period after working out in his private gym. In my memory, I always linked his death at age 54 with two other celebrities who died at that age: John Ritter and Robert Palmer. The odd thing is, Adams died two years before Ritter and Palmer. And Adams was 49. But he looked older.

Okay, so my theory about the Curse of Celebrity 54 is flawed. Anyway, some celebs make it past that venerable milestone. But Michael Landon (or Eugene Orowitz, as my Collingswood neighbors still remember him) didn’t. John Ritter was just six days away from escaping the Curse. Last fall, I noticed when somebody named Jeff Beitzel, who had something to do with something entitled Real Housewives of Orange County, died at age 54. And just the other day, beloved Philadelphia sports director Gary Papa lost his battle with prostate cancer. He was 54. And will be missed.

I keep thinking: in my fifty-fourth year, am I going to dial 9 and 1 before going to bed every night so that at the slightest onset of demise all I need to do is hit one more 1? Or is that too risky? Will I move next door to the highest of high-tech emergency care facilities? Or save up so I can afford to have my essence transferred to a full-body robotic replica (with on-board neuroses filters)? Maybe the answer is to avoid any type of fame. Most likely that’s my best bet. But first, I should probably focus on making it to age 54…by ignoring the celebrity obituaries.