Surge Dirge

My learned friend, Alan Spectzel (not his real name) insists that we (cowardly, intellectual glacier-huggers) would rather cut and run than give the President’s plan a chance. My learned friend is ignoring two facts. One: contrary to the President’s most recent televised bill o’ goods, the Iraqi Prime Minister did NOT concoct and/or agree to the plan. Two: the “surge” is far from a surge… it would be around 7,000 additional troops, with another dozen thousand or so added during the next few months. This adds up to the brilliantly conceived stay the course policy that failed already. But don’t worry, we’ve already attacked Iran. The best case scenario, learned friend, is that the Iraqi civil war continues for years, Ahmedinnerandabomb enables the annihilation of several majority-Sunni cities beyond Iraq, and our kids eat ash-covered Cookie Crisp and play Christians and Muslims under a poisoned sky.

Here's one way out of this: Forty-three invites Iraq and ALL of its neighbors to a summit, where he announces that his actions regarding Iraq were wrong, that he and the Vice-President are resigning effective immediately, that he will turn himself over to U.S. authorities, and that he is willing to accept a plea bargain in return for his testimony against his former advisors, who will be brought up on charges ranging from corruption to treason. A woman would be the new U.S. President, Iran would be emboldened, and our kids would eat ash-covered Cookie Crisp and play Christians and Muslims under a poisoned sky. But at least those crooks would be in jail.