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brain spoon n. 1. A device used by 4th century Quirinalian monks to exact revenge for crimes deemed monstrously immoral. The device consisted of a large scoop with razor sharp edges, fixed to bellows and a hollow tube, through which was poured a mixture of vinegar and molten metal intended to soften the skull, thereby facilitating cranial penetration and extraction of brain sections. 2. Any device which causes extreme pain in the craniocerebral region.

And now, for The Best of Wayne Moon, you'll have to weed through this mangled Myspace site that will need to be reconstructed after their attempt to keep up: Wayne Moon on Myspace.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Zipped and/or locked

I am eating leftover spaghetti, fresh from the office microwave. The container, a flimsy Ziploc® product, is sweating onto my desk. I can already feel the terrible toxic by-product of plastic and heat as it is absorbed by my prostate. Or is that simply the paranoid workings of my brain talking to me? I investigate, and find the following communique:

When used in the microwave, there is no trace level migration of dioxins from any Saran™ or Ziploc ® product. We know this because these products are 100% dioxin-free…Our Saran™ and Ziploc ® products can be used with confidence when label directions are followed…Please help us alleviate consumers’ concerns and share these facts. Thank you for giving us a chance to set the record straight.


This, from the company’s own mouth organ. Now I don’t know what to believe. My pessimistic obsessive hypervigilance vs. their rosy corporate communication. How can we both be wrong?

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