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brain spoon n. 1. A device used by 4th century Quirinalian monks to exact revenge for crimes deemed monstrously immoral. The device consisted of a large scoop with razor sharp edges, fixed to bellows and a hollow tube, through which was poured a mixture of vinegar and molten metal intended to soften the skull, thereby facilitating cranial penetration and extraction of brain sections. 2. Any device which causes extreme pain in the craniocerebral region.

And now, for The Best of Wayne Moon, you'll have to weed through this mangled Myspace site that will need to be reconstructed after their attempt to keep up: Wayne Moon on Myspace.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Train Tract No. 719

The train is late, and I had not expected to see it now. But, seizing the moment, I run toward it. You have to cross the tracks to board the platform, so the race is on. I am running on the icy pavement with my head down, and as the whistle blows, it occurs to me that the engineer thinks I am unaware of the impending collision. I stop. Once the train passes, I cross the tracks, run the length of the platform, and enter the train. I've made it. Or at least I think I've made it. Perhaps I had slipped on the ice and slid beneath the merciless steel train wheels. Was my life force so strong that I have continued on in spirit form? A loud noise startles me, and I associate the sound with the searing pain of cold wheel slicing through warm leg bone. But the sound is a heavy briefcase that had been dropped to the floor by another passenger. I consider continuing my conceit, if it is a conceit, when I arrive at work. I will greet my coworkers, and in that instant before they respond, I will fall to my spirit knees in mock agony, and cry, "It's true! You can't see me or hear me! I'm a ghost!" And then I will tell them about my near-death experience. And if they do not respond, I will accept my lot and wander off.

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